Let Her Go by Dawn Barker

Author:Dawn Barker
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Canelo Books
Published: 2017-05-18T04:00:00+00:00

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Zoe rubbed her hair with the towel, feeling nervous about the day ahead. A month had passed since Lachlan had brought up the subject of Zoe returning to her old job. She didn’t want to go back to work, but she couldn’t wait any more for him to find a job. He said he was looking, but the promised interview was always another week away. They had no savings left, they had bills to pay and a child to support. Zoe had no choice.

Her alarm had gone off at five; her first shift was an early one. But at least then she’d be home to spend time with Louise in the afternoon and put her to bed. Zoe’s eyes filled with tears. She longed to be the one playing with Louise all day. She’d wanted to see her start to crawl, witness her first steps, hear her first words, help her develop and learn. Yes, Louise would be with Lachlan, but he didn’t seem to understand the amount of stimulation a baby needed to thrive. He would just let her play on the floor while he read the paper. Zoe swallowed down the lump in her throat. She was being ridiculous; Louise would be at home, safe with her dad. Anyway, Lachlan would find a job soon; this would only be temporary.

Zoe checked the bathroom door was closed, then took off her pyjamas and stood back, staring at herself in the mirror. Of course she didn’t look any different to how she had before she left work – she hadn’t been pregnant. She had no stretch marks on her stomach, and her breasts were still full. She should look more tired, but Louise slept well now; the bottle filled her up. It was ironic to wish that she looked more like a mum given the way that most mothers feel about their bodies after having babies. But she didn’t want any reason for people to notice that she hadn’t given birth to Louise; she wanted to blend in. Zoe clenched her fists: she had to stop thinking like this. When she’d had the miscarriages, she had sworn she would never complain about anything if only she could have a child. And now she had a gorgeous little girl, and she was the luckiest woman in the world; she couldn’t renegotiate the bargain she’d made with herself. She was only going back to work. Other mothers did it; so could she.

After showering, she raked around in the bottom drawer of the vanity and pulled out her hairdryer. She untangled the cord, then plugged it in next to the sink and switched it on the lowest setting so it didn’t disturb Louise. After drying her hair, she unzipped her make-up bag and put on a bit of foundation and mascara. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad today. It was important to teach Louise that women had careers too, that there was more to Zoe than, well, being a mother.

In the bedroom, Zoe kept the light off while she moved around quietly.

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